Welcome to my World.

Spring Green

2012-02-18T18:04:00.001-06:00

Spring Green by kellhen featuring cuff jewelry

LinQ tiered tank, $31
Striped top, $46
Three Dots top, £29
Old Navy cable sweater, $9.97
Old Navy crochet top, $29
Old navy shirt, $9.50
Gap coat, $98
GAP skinny fit jeans, $30
Steve Madden spiked high heels, $100
Grey flat, $55
Michael Antonio slouchy boots, $50
H m bag, £15
Kenneth Jay Lane enamel jewelry, $275
Moschitto Designs cuff jewelry, $38
Lola Rose tear drop earrings, £32
J Crew j crew jewelry, $25
Supertrash logos jewelry, €25
Old Navy stretch jewelry, $11
Yves Saint Laurent round frame sunglasses, $325
Oasis viscose shawl, $32
Vintage style hat, $28
Pieces blue scarve, €17
Black scarve, $15
White scarve, $13
Daytrip flower hair accessory, $3.59
OPI Nail Varnish - Road House Blues 15ml Health & Beauty | HQHair.com, £11
stila cosmetics - jewel eye shadow
Essie Neutral Nail Polish Shades, $8

Hot Mess

2012-02-17T23:57:00.001-06:00

Hot Mess by kellhen featuring platform sandals

Abercrombie Fitch lace top, $25
Nine west shoes, £130
BCBGeneration wedge high heels, $110
Nine west shoes, $89
Nine West platform sandals, $89
Longchamp travel tote, $98
Kate Spade nautical jewelry, $48
In God We Trust long chain necklace, $40
H M leather cord jewelry, £3.99
Black shades, $9
Women's 7 For All Mankind Cutoff Shorts, 2T-3T, $49

It's a nice day for some white chili...

2011-04-01T15:46:00.000-05:00

As chili season comes to an end, I find myself craving it's deliciousness even more than usual. Last night, I tried a new recipe for White Chili that I found on a Campbell's soup ad in this month's Southern Living. It looked fairly easy, and most of the ingredients I already had in my cabinet. The only thing I had to buy was the beans, and I searched and searched for "Cannelloni Beans", which turned out to be the same as the very popular white kidney bean (who knew?). The recipe called for two (15oz.) cans of them, but I only used one and added a can of Great Northern Beans... mainly b/c I wanted to see if there was actually a difference, or if I had spent half an hour on the bean aisle for nothing.

Anyway, in order to make your own White Chili, you'll need the following:

1 can of cream of chicken soup, 1 bag of steam fresh corn
(The recipe asked for a can of corn, but ew. This is way better.),
and 2 15oz cans of some sort of white beans.

You will also need four chicken breast (or 8 tenders, as that's what I had in my freezer), an onion, cumin, chili powder, garlic, and my favorite; white pepper.

The cooking part really takes no time... You just heat some oil in your Dutch Oven on Med/High while you chop the onion. Throw that in, and start cutting your raw chicken into bite-sized pieces, and add those to the pot as well. Season with 4tsp chili powder, 2tsp of cumin, and a dash or two of garlic and white pepper.

While your chicken is cooking, put the corn in the microwave for 4min. Then, drain and rinse your beans. Well. B/c they are nasty.

When your chicken is fully cooked, add the beans, corn, cream of chicken soup, and 1/2 to 1 cup of water, depending on how thick you want your chili to be. (For reference, I used 3/4 cup.)

Bring everything to a boil, then turn heat to low, cover, and cook for ten min. It should look something like this: a big pot of vomit... complete with corn.

Luckily it smells and taste good, which more than makes up for its appearance.

Serve with cheese and sour cream... and maybe some crackers on the side. (That looks better, doesn't it??) (Seriously. Just close your eyes and eat it.)

Yum.

And that's it. You're done. Dinner is served in less than half an hour... it honestly took me more time to find the beans!!

I'm on a boat!!!

2011-03-25T13:50:00.001-05:00

Ok. Not really. Nor do I have any intention to be on a boat in the near future... buuut it seems that I AM in love with all things nautical this season. Navy + Red + White = my new color scheme. Since this is such a classic color palate, it's super easy to pull outfits together from things you already have in your closet. Just look what I came up with yesterday (and excuse the horrible picture).

(Side note: two other people in my office were wearing the exact same shirt.)

Nautical Top - Old Navy; Navy Sailor Pants - BCBG
Rediculous Cute Red Shoes - Steve Madden
Red Ring - Silver Wear

The trick to this ensemble is the red shoes. If you don't have a pair yet, I encourage you to go out and get some immediately... or you can borrow one of mine:

Nine West, Charlotte Russe, Steve Madden, Old Navy, Old Navy.
Love.Love.Love.Love.Love.

If you're interested in going Nautical, but simply can't find anything to wear, I've put together a nice little inspiration board for you... in which everything is under $50, or thereabouts:

The sunglasses, shirts and skirts are all from Old Navy. The jeans are from the GAP. Shorts are J.Crew (and $70?? WTF??) The red and white cardi is AE. The lovely dress is Anthro (NOT $50). The necklace is from googling nautical jewelry. And the shoes are Steve Madden, Nine West (both on the left) and Charlotte Russe (you may have already seen these beauties before...) Oh and the purse is from Justin. (swoon)

p.s. I've also found a new site to do these story boards... You like?

How did I miss this??

2011-03-24T12:22:00.000-05:00

Did anyone else know that Anthropologie just released a wedding line?? It's called BHLDN (don't ask me what that stands for), and they have everything from wedding gowns, to bridesmaid dresses, and even shoes, jewelry and "hair adornments"... Their prices aren't too bad, taken into consideration that it's Anthropologie and you're buying wedding related things. And I just love the look!!

**And before there's annny confusion, NO I'm not looking for a wedding dress. I just work in the industry. And I'm in lurve with Anthropologie**

Me Lucky Charm

2011-03-17T11:00:00.010-05:00

Happy St. Patty's

There is absolutely no excuse for this.

2011-03-15T15:52:00.002-05:00

A couple of weekends ago, while in line at Smoothie King, Justin and I both spotted a chick wearing the ugliest-shoes-ever. Shoes that would have been better off burned. Shoes that remind most of you of your childhood. Shoes that should have been trapped in the 80s, where they belong. Shoes that shouldn't even be made in adult sizes. Shoes that just by thinking of them, I shiver down my spine so bad that I don't even think I can mention their name. Instead, I'll give you a rough estimation of our conversation as soon as we got back in the car...

Justin: Did you see that girl's shoes??

Me: Yes. They were horrible. I couldn't stand to look.

Justin: Baahaha... Keeeedssss!!!

Me: I mean... where do you even find such tackiness?

Well, look no further. The Gap is selling Keds on their website.
I wish I was kidding.

WTF???

As if the whole "Keds" part wasn't bad enough, they just had to add silver sparkles. Really?? Would any of you even think about wearing these?? Answer: NO!!

Births and Birthdays

2011-03-11T16:40:00.000-06:00

All work and all play makes Kelley a blog-less girl. I'm sorry for my absence. It's been busy.

Last weekend, I traveled to Tuscaloosa for Miss Claire's 2nd Birthday Party. Look how happy she was to see me:

Ok. Really, she was just making this cute diva-ish face. It had nothing to do with me.

Katie went all out on the Big 0-2. Check out the cool "TumbleBus":

Tumblebuuuuussss!!!

This is the inside. Pretty cool concept.

Katie works at Imagination Station, where she has the cutest-classroom-ever:

Katie can do aaannything with construction paper!!

Claire's Party was Dora themed... complete with a Dora cake:

Q: Katie, did you make the cake? Me: She made the phone call.

She made sure to spit all over the icing. :)

Cake ~~murderer~~ cutter extraordinaire.

And then it was time for presents!!

(I got her those two little dresses b/c they are cute... I also secretly wish that they came in my size.)

With an over abundance of tissue paper, toys and stupid clothes, Claire was worn out.

Then it was about time to pack up and leave... but not before a picture with my bestie:

Is it too early for a sundress? No.

Theeeen to add to the excitement of the day, Justin and I walked to a delicious sushi dinner. A drink or two later, he insisted to taking a Rickshaw home.

I'd feel sorry for him, but he brings this on himself.

I'm pretty sure there was some other important thing that happened this week... Hmm... What could it be?? Oh yeah...

KRYSTAL HAD A BABY!!!

And look how cute she is!!

Mom's doing fine too!! Although I took photos of her, I fear posting them b/c she was noticeably well Morphined... and I'd hate for her to kill me. Instead, I'll show you the cutest baby foot ever:

Here's to many, many years of beautiful high-heeled shoes!!

p.s. One more small, insignificant note: I got into grad school.

I saw red.

2011-03-01T12:36:00.002-06:00

One of the joys of my morning is looking through my daily shopittome email. (If you'd like to join, let me know and I'll gladly send you an email.) This lovely tool searches the interwebs for your favorite designers, and then sends you information on their deals and sales. You set the filters for brands and prices, and they do everything else. It's pretty much the best-thing-ever, and I've found a lot of great things through it.

Today's shopittome was the "Oscar Edition", which made me all tingly inside b/c I have a deep love for glitz, glam and pretty dresses (that I can't afford). But then I opened the email to find this:

WTF?

Seriously shopittome? You're comparing a $99 Free People dress to a Valentino?? This is a joke, right? That's like comparing apples to ~~oranges~~ orangutans. The only thing these two dresses have in common is that they're both red. Rachel Zoe would for seriously die if she knew this was going on... Shame on you, shopittome. Shame on you.

Chili-O

2011-02-28T12:38:00.002-06:00

Chili may be one of my favorite things to make. It's sooo good and it's sooo super easy to fix... yet everyone thinks you've put a lot of effort into it, when really you're just browning some meat, opening a few cans and adding some spices. The only thing that takes a long time is the cooking process, but if you time it right, it works out perfect. It took me maybe 20 min to put together a pot-o-chili-o at lunch, and it was ready and waiting on me when I got home from work... plus it made my whole hall smell of chili goodness!!

The key to perfect chili is perfect ingredients. I'm pretty loyal to these:

Frito's w/ a Bush/Hunt combo

It's also necessary to have about a lb or so of ground turkey (or ground beef/chuck for those of you who don't care what they look like in a bikini) (or nothing at all for those of you who are silly and don't eat the animals), 1/2 a chopped onion, a can of nasty cheap beer (compliments of Justin leaving that crap in my fridge), and the following spices that you should already have in your pantry: chili powder, cumin, red pepper, salt, pepper (I used white pepper this time b/c I bought it for the lemon chicken a few weeks back, and it cost $4... so I want to get my money's worth, which means I've been putting it in eeeveeerything.), and of course, the love of my life, garlic.

The first thing you have to do is brown you meat on med/low in your beautiful Dutch Oven named Jenny. (You really don't haaave to have a Dutch Over, or name it Jenny, but it cooks waaaay better than your trusty stock pot... that you should use if you haven't gone Dutch yet.) I season it with a dash (or several) of all of my spices. When it's fully cooked, and the salmonella is killed, you can drain if needed (I normally don't), and then add your Bush/Hunt (ha) cans (that I do drain b/c ew... but you don't absolutely have to. I just like my chili like I like myself: thick), and your onion that should be nice and chopped (I chop the whole thing and use the other half for topping).

Now here's the tricky part (only b/c it requires measurements... that I don't always go by). You're going to need to add the following: 2T chili powder, 1/2T cumin, 1t salt, 1/2t pepper (or white pepper), 1/4t garlic, and as much red pepper as you can handle. These don't have to be exact. I just used my Tablespoon for both the chili powder and the cumin, and my teaspoon for the salt, pepper and garlic... and kind of estimated the fractions. Eh. It works.

After all that's mixed together, add half of your beer can and ~~drink the other half~~ put the rest in the fridge in case you need it when you come home to uber thick chili. Now, put your stove on low, cover, and leave quickly b/c your lunch hour was over 10 min ago. When you come home, you'll have something that looks like this:

Nomnomnom

The correct way to eat this delicious mass of goodness is with Chili Cheese Frito's on bottom, chili in the middle, and cheese, onion, bell pepper (not pictured b/c those bad boys were $2.49/ea), and sour cream on top. If you're from Louisville, and ridiculous, you get your girlfriend to boil some spaghetti noodles, and use that in place of the Frito's, then top with just cheese and Saltine crackers. Either way, the chili part is what matters, and this recipe is fool proof. Maybe.

p.s. If you would like a more legible recipe, I also posted this on my cooking blog.

TFLN

2011-02-25T11:34:00.061-06:00

We had a pretty bad storm last night. The weather was rainy, windy and nasty. Things were flying around and hitting my bedroom window. Tornado sirens were going off. Not to mention, the dumpster outside was making a horrendous sound when the wind would pick up its top and slam it back down again... over and over... every couple of minutes. The best part was some guy outside my window yelling, "Let me in, let me in, let me in!!"

So, I did what any normal and sane person would do: FLIP OUT!!!

I texted Justin saying that I thought someone was breaking in my house (This isn't all that uncommon. He gets texts like this on a near bi-weekly basis.) (What? I have an out-of-control imagination. I can't help it.), and that the storm was making me a nervous wreck. This is the conversation that followed:

Me: This is one of the few times that I really hate living alone.

Him: It's okay sweetpea.

Me: I mean, I used to love thunderstorms... until Katrina. Now I unnecessarily flip the eff out. My heart may beat out of its chest.

Him: It's fine. Just think, Ed is next door.

Me: Ed isn't going to do shit if a tree comes through my window.

Him: You're okay. Settle down.

Me: I'm going to take an Ambien... and make sure my door is locked.

Him: Settle down sweetheart. No one is trying to get in.

(20 min later: Ambien in full effect.)

Me: Yoiu dont knife that. Fed surd

Him: Ooooookay

Me: It's outsider... the wetter.

Me: Polls workings. Goof mighty. Love you.

He called me this morning to make sure I was awake and getting ready for work... and asked if I remembered texting him last night. I had no recollection.

Color Me Bad

2011-02-23T14:30:00.000-06:00

I must admit, I've never been one for nail polish*. I have huge man hands, and I think that by painting my nails, I just attract more attention to their hideous enormous size. That, and it's just a tedious process of base coat, color, color, top coat. Not to mention, I have this serious issue with sitting still long enough for all of those to dry. (Are you really all that surprised?) The end result has never really been worth the effort. If I ever felt the need to have my nails painted, I would just go down the street and pay the $20 to have someone else do them for me.

Lately though, I've been painting my own nails on a near weekly basis. This is mostly due to the fact that I've found a new love, and it's name is Pure Ice. I wandered upon this stuff a few weeks ago when I was looking for a neutral goldish color. I had just gotten my nails done in something similar, and I really liked the look. It's a much warmer alternative to my usual OPI Bubble Bath, so I thought that I should have a bottle on hand if ever the mood struck to paint them myself. I also had this weird, out-of-character idea that I should have grey nail polish (which actually turned out a lot better than you might think). I ended up with both of these: "Fast Lane" & "Kiss Me Here".

I also fell even more in love with their vibrant color selection... and their price!! At $2 a bottle, I walked away with five or six new colors!! Did I need to spend $10 to $12 on nail polish? No. But at half the price of a professional manicure, and the same price as ONE bottle of OPI, I will be saving money in the long run, right? Riiight...

All the colors I've tried thus far go on pretty smooth, dry fairly quickly, and wont chip for three or four days. (Unless you decide to wash dogs, then you can go ahead and kiss your manicure goodbye.) This is what I'm currently wearing:

This is "Really Rio" and it comes off as a nice orange-ish/pink-ish/red-ish color... WITH sparkles. (I'm probably too old for that kind of stuff, but who's judging?). Again, it was $2 and totally worth every penny... all 200 of them. At that price, I got a little brave and threw in bottles of colors I've wanted to try, but never have. Namely blue and black. I'm not sure that I'll ever wear them, but I now have the option. I also ended up with this:

It's called "Spit Fire" and it can be worn by itself or over another color. It's crazy sparkly (and probably way too juvenile for me) and dramatic. I've had fun jazzing up my toes with it. This brand has just about every polish color you could dream of, and what better way to welcome Spring than with orange-ish/pink-ish/red-ish nails WITH sparkles?

*Note: This applies only to my fingers. My toes are aaallllwaaays covered.

"It's more of a Tomato and Chicken Noodle hybrid"

2011-02-22T14:23:00.001-06:00

I love soup. I eat it just about every day for lunch at work. Not only is it delicious, but it's easily transported (in my purse), and doesn't require refrigeration (which saves my lazy butt a trip downstairs to the kitchen). My loyalties lie with Progresso and Campbell's Select Harvest, but the last time I was in the grocer I ventured over to the Campbell's Chunky section, and found this gem:

Tomatoes AND pasta? What's not to love??

I just slurped down the whole can in just under half a minute, and then I nearly licked the bowl clean. I mean, I'm a tomato soup fan... Who am I kidding? I love tomatoes any way I can get them (except stewed. bleh.), but I normally go with Progresso's Hearty Tomato and/or their Tomato Basil, which are both really good in their own rite... but I just don't think I can ever go back to either one of them now that I've tasted this. I'm telling you I haven't had tomato soup this good since I was in Colorado and Broy whipped out his old family recipe and made this:

OMG. THE BEST TOMATO SOUP EEEEVEEER!!!

Buuuut as I don't have the recipe, time, nor patience to make that delicacy on a regular basis, I turn to the next best thing: soup in a can. And Campbell's Hearty Tomato with Pasta didn't let me down. What's even better is that it's TWO whole servings of vegetables!! (You know we're now supposed to get about 2.5 cups a day, right?) It also clocks in at 140 calories a serving... but seriously, a serving is only half of the can. And who eats only half a can of soup?? Not this fat girl. So, really you're getting 280 calories for the whole thing. Not.Too.Shabby. If you would like to change your life for the better, I suggest getting your own can the next time you're at your local grocery. You can thank me later.

You may say that I'm a dreamer...

2011-02-22T12:32:00.000-06:00

...but I'm not the only one.

I love catching the boys asleep... they provide for such great entertainment when they're snoring, running, and sometimes even barking while they're napping. Last night, Dudley was dreaming about running away. I thought it appropriate to catch it on film:

And Take 2:

I shot this the last time Rufus was over. He's the bigger eater, so I'm sure he was thinking about food:

Mardi Gras!! Yeeeeah!!

2011-02-21T13:38:00.001-06:00

Remind me to never rely on my iPhone to take pictures. You know, I bought a new fab-u-lous Canon camera less than six months ago. One would think that I would choose that over my iPhone to take photos, right? Mais non. I went with the smaller, more convenient (for Justin to carry in his pocket) iPhone. So... instead of near professional quality pictures of the one time a year we actually dress up-dress up, I get grainy crap in which you can barely detect an image. I edited to the best of my ability, buuut it's still crap. Don't worry. I've learned my lesson. This will never happen again.

So, without further adieu, I give you Mardi Gras 2011... the photo album that could have been:

B, me & A

VA & Keith were so kind to open their home for us to stay
(They also fed us the most delicious meal I've ever had.
My mouth is seriously watering just thinking about it.)

A & me

He's seriously going to have to start smiling for pictures
...or else I'll be forced to keep doing stuff like this.

See. He CAN smile.
(Too bad the lighting was weird and I look like a zombie.. or an Olson. Same thing.)

We're dysfunctional. It takes us a second to take an acceptable photo.

It's sad b/c all of these have the potential to be good... well, all of them except the last one.

...so I thought I could have a little fun with it.

Annnnd I'm re-blogging this one b/c it's my favorite of the evening. :)

If you refuse to smile for pictures,

2011-02-17T15:13:00.000-06:00

Then I will have no problem switching your head with that of Justin Timberlake...

I traded him in for a newer model. Total upgrade. :)

(Actually I WILL have problems, as I'm not that great with photoshop... luckily I work with professionals. Thanks, Janet!!)

p.s. Last weekend, Justin (ha...which one??) and I traveled to Mobile for Mardi Gras. Once I finish photoshopping myself pretty (and him smiling), I'll post.

In lieu of flowers, please send handbags.

2011-02-15T14:06:00.002-06:00

Oh yes he did.

I could go into further detail about how wonderful, sweet and charming my boyfriend is, but as you can see for yourself, he's pretty much perfect.

And I think he likes me...

Lady Marmalade

2011-02-10T13:40:00.001-06:00

I'm not so sure why I thought this would be a good idea... I found what seemed like a fairly easy recipe for Orange Marmalade in the January 2011 edition of Southern Living. It only called for a couple of ingredients (all of which I had), and according to the directions, there were just three simple steps. I thought this would be a perfect task for Sarah and I to handle on a weekday night. Four orange juice soaked hours later, we had this:

Lovely, isn't it? We tried both the "Sweet Citrus" and the "Orange Mimosa" versions, and neither came out right. According to the recipe, they were supposed to simmer for 50 min until "mixture is slightly thickened". After two and a half hours on the stove, I still had syrup... and it was well after midnight. I thought the best bet was to follow the directions and "cool completely" b/c the "mixture will thicken as it cools". Well, that turned out to be another lie. It was now 2am, and I was totally over singing, "voulez vous coucher avec moi", and was more interested the "coucher" part, as I was exhausted. So, I tucked my little friends into the fridge, and hoped that if they "chilled for 24 hours" they might end up looking a little more like marmalade, and a little less like egg drop soup.

Here they are, going to bed:

(Yes, that's Yuengling. We're having a "snow storm", and I needed to stock up on the necessitates in order to get me through... Betty Crocker, I am not; Betty Ford, I am.)

Anywho, I checked on my little buddies when I got home from work last night. They-were-still-runny!! I thought that in order for them to be edible, and for me to be able to give them as gifts (which was my original intent), my best bet would be for me to re-heat them in hopes that more of the water/champagne would boil out.

I also thought it would be a good idea to add a little Jell-O... Strawberry-Banana Jell-O, as that was all I had. Looking back now, I probably should have sucked it up and pranced back to the grocer to pick up an orange pack, or maybe even splurged on the Knox brand. Mais non, and now I have hot pink jelly. Not marmalade. Not jam. Jelly... Hot. Pink. Jelly.

So, to those of you who are the recipients of these lovely little tokens of my appreciation, I'm sorry. I tried. Really.

p.s. If you want to try this at home, I suggest you cut the zest in half (as it turned out a little more bitter than sweet), reduce the amount of water/champagne you add, and throw in just a tiiiiny bit of Jell-O (You should probably stay away from Strawberry-Banana, or anything else that will turn it pink.) or you could go with Knox. Also, use a larger pot with more surface area on the stove. The batch in my stock pot turned out a whole lot better than what was in my large sauce pan... Good luck, and report back!! I'd love to hear how yours turned out!!

The Labor of Love

2011-02-07T15:30:00.002-06:00

In celebration of Valentine's Day/Chinese New Year, I decided to try my hand at Asian cuisine. Justin mentioned a few weeks ago how much loved Lemon Chicken, so I, being the perfect girlfriend that I am (sarcasm), searched high and low for a recipe that I thought would be feasible. I ended up finding a not-so-simple one on a random cooking blog (that I would credit if I remembered what it was. Sorry.). And although it looks just like Chicken McNuggets, in reality it's 1.) made with real chicken, and 2.) took me three hours, slaving over a hot stove, to make... while he napped... through the smoke alarm going off. (Whoops.)

But look how pretty it turned out:

I also spent a little extra time (and money) on the Asian theme. Our place settings were made up of a few things that I had, and a few little diddies I bought along the way. Like this lovely:

Isn't she perfect for Valentine's Day/Chinese New Year? She's even cute on the inside! See:

I practically stole this friend from Ross Dress for Less (don't judge me) for $1.49!! And she was just the perfect size for two portions of sticky rice!! While I was there, I also bought the large platter that I used for the chicken for a whole $5.99. I purchased two (yes, only two) red square "salad plates" from WalMart (again, don't judge me) that were actually large enough to use as dinner plates. The best part is, they only set me back $6.00 for both!! Everything else (the bamboo place mats and black napkins, the red tea-lights, the black salad plates, and the Japanese tea set) I already had. So, for a total of around $13.50, I had a whole new table scape!! And look how pretty it turned out:

And the finished product:

Please note the "mood lighting" put off by the new red pendant lights (that I wired and put up all by myself, with no help from Justin) over my bar...

To our meal, I added egg rolls and crab rangoons that I picked up at the local Chinese restaurant. (I wasn't about to attempt either of those), Celestial Seasonings' Mint Green Tea (that I brewed in my ice tea maker), and their Moroccan Pomegranate Red Tea that we had hot. I also added a salad consisting of Romaine lettuce, Sesame-Ginger dressing, and Chinese noodles. Nomnomnom!!

p.s. If you're interested in making your own batch of Lemon Chicken, the recipe is on my other blog!! (Okay, I will confess that I haven't been keeping up with that one either, but my friend Amy has, and she a much better cook than I am!!)

I die.

2011-02-04T13:30:00.001-06:00

Let's just pretend it hasn't been over six months since I last posted, and get on to bigger and better things. Liiike the shoes I just bought today at lunch:

In other news, I was also called "SIR" by a Justin Bieber look-a-like...

My Fair Lazy

2010-05-05T11:00:00.002-05:00

I've been excited about today for weeks. Weeks, I tell you. Not only is it Cinco de Mayo, another one of my favorite alcholidays, buuuuut my favorite author of nearly all times is going to be here. In my city. Just down the road. And she's totally excited about having margaritas with me. (Okay. I made that last part up.)

Annnnyway, Jen Lancaster's new book, "My Fair Lazy: One Reality Television Addict's Attempt to Discover if Not Being a Dumb Ass is the New Black, or, a Culture-Up Manifesto ", came out yeeesteeerdaaay!! And I am suuuper excited. I can't tell you how great it is just yet, but based on my opinion of her other four books, I can guarantee it's going to be freakin' hysterical. You need to go out and buy it immediately. I mean... look how fun the cover is:

(Side note: I find nothing wrong with judging books by their cover.)

I was introduced to Jen a few years ago by Jamie and Joan. They told me that I would love her sense of humor and that she reminded them of yours truly. (I couldn't imagine why. Her first book was titled "Bitter is the New Black : Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, or, Why You Should Never Carry a Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office" Does that sound like me at all? I'd say so.) Since then, I've read everything she has published, and a countless number of her always humerus blogs. We're even friends on facebook and twitter.

Not too long ago, Jamie and I drove all the way to Atlanta, on a Tuesday night, when she was signing her next-to-last book, "Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest to Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, or Why Pie is Not the Answer ". Here's proof:

True or False: I have this picture framed in my house.
A: True.

What's even more comical is that Alex met us at the book store (a place that he does not frequent), saw Jen from across the room, and later commented that she was who he pictured me becoming in the next few of year. I think that she's fantastic, and I took this as a tremendous compliment.

Hopefully by the end of the evening, Jen and I will be best friends in real life (much unlike our make-believe friendship in my head), and she will, in fact, take part in Cinco de Mayo festivities with me and the girls. (Yes, I realize how insane this sounds.)

***UPDATE***

Joan says that I should have a picture of her on this post as well... since she was the one who introduced me to Jen. So, here's Joan:

Joan is single and ready to mingle. She likes Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. She's also an avid golfer, a dog lover, and a Republican.

I guess I forgot to mention it...

2010-05-04T16:30:00.003-05:00

...but I got a dog. His name is Dudley, and here he is:

I rescued Dudley from Standifer Animal Clinic after he was brought in by the Homewood Animal Control. That's right, someone called the Animal Control over this little-bitty 8lb rug rat. Sad story, but I'm glad they did!! Otherwise, I wouldn't have Dudley, who has turned out to be the-best-dog-ever (other than a bout with diarrhea and constant flatulence).

The vet thinks he's roughly 3 years old, and is probably pure Yorkie. Poor Dudley tested positive worms and needs to gain about two pounds... which is roughly a quarter of his body weight. The vet also told me that what I thooought was a fat deposit in his shoulder, is actually metal. That's right ladies and gentlemen, Dudley HAS BEEN SHOT!!! What kind of sick, twisted, and deranged individual would do something like that???

Dudley knows that he has gone from rags to riches, and is very, veeeery happy in his new home where the food is plentiful and the guns are only used on burglars.

p.s. Justin loves Dudley too.

So that's why they're called "The Wiggles".

2010-04-30T10:00:00.000-05:00

This is all shades of wrong.

p.s. Add this to the list of reasons why I don't want children.

I'll keep him.

2010-04-28T16:00:00.002-05:00

Just to prove that I have the best boyfriend in the world, let me show you what he got me for my birthday:

He picked out this lovely green dress from the Anthropologie all by himself... and if you're wondering what the white embroidery is, it's cocks. Lots and lots of cocks. See:

Not to mention, he also came all the way to the Birmingham to see me even though he was swamped with school work. Sweet, sweet boy.

I hope I don't look a day over 24...

2010-04-27T12:00:00.001-05:00

...b/c that's what I'm claiming to be.

(Happy Birthday to me.)

Dangit, Tiley

2010-04-21T17:00:00.002-05:00

Tiley and I wore the same thing to work today.

Introducing...

2010-04-14T09:00:00.000-05:00

Katy Harper... Katy and I worked together for a smidge and now, among many other things, she's writing her own fantastic blogs. It's really one of the few that I read every-single-day. I'm introducing you to Katy 1.) b/c she's awesome and you'll love her and 2.) b/c she's now doing give-aways. I suggest you sign up as well!!

"You're not a 'Single Lady', Buddy..."

2010-04-09T11:00:00.001-05:00

I would like to point out that I would probably be more like the sister in the middle.

Guess who figured out YouTube...

2010-04-08T15:00:00.000-05:00

Guess what guys!! I have a YouTube account!! Which only means one thing: I can now upload videos of my beloved Hank.

Here's Hank playing with the very large lamb he got for Easter. He even smiles at the camera at the end!! Such a good boy...

I know you're all looking forward to many more Hank videos to come...

What happens at Jury Duty...

2010-04-07T13:00:00.003-05:00

...will eventually get published on my blog.

As many of you know, I was summoned to appear in court and do my civic duty of acting as a non partial juror for my peer. Unlike the vast majority of the American public, I was actually looking forward to it, and was referring to this week as "Spring Break". I had never sat on a jury before, and I expected the whole experience to be new and exciting.

Wrong.

My case was settled out of court before I even made the cut for the final 12. (I'm just assuming I would have made the cut, because... hellur... why wouldn't they choose me?) However, that still gave me plenty of time to observe my surroundings... and let me tell you: there are some crazy ass mother forkers who showed up for jury duty that day. I don't even know where some of these people came from. The woods? A local bar? From under a rock? In the few hours I was there, I saw the following:

Mr. Hungover, who showed up red-eyed and half an hour late, wearing dirty clothes that consisted of an old baseball cap, a Miller Lite t-shirt, and Lee jeans with a Skoal ring on the back pocket. Gross.
Ms. Hypochondriac, who insisted on wearing a face mask in public. (I can't make this up.)
Mr. Typical Alabama Redneck, who was sporting a Confederate flag belt buckle that was the size of my face (not that I got close enough to measure...) and a Mossy Oak t-shirt.
Ms. Pajamas, who I guess had no other clothes to wear to the courthouse?
Mr. Angry, who brought an anger management/how to have healthy relationships book for his reading pleasure. Eek.
Ms. Mary Kay, who made everyone wait to wash their hands because she was re-applying a whole face (or two) full of make-up over the sole bathroom sink. Seriously? Can your skin even breathe? How do you take all that off? With a chisel?
Mr Emile, whom they kept calling "Emily".
Mrs. Get on my Damn Nerves, who told the roll reader not once, not twice, but three times, that she goes by her middle name (Jeanette), not her first name (Mary), and if they would just call her Jeanette, she would respond a whole lot quicker. (How about just remembering you own damn name, Mary?)
Mr. Mike Hunt. No. Really. That was his name.
Mr. New BFF, who not only noticed all of these things, but also made fun of them with me.

And that concludes my day at the court house.

p.s. If you get called to jury duty, and feel the need to get out of it, I have some great friends that gave me some great excuses: Go dressed as Princess Leia (Krystal), "No speakie engrish" (Erica), Tell them you're breastfeeding (my mother).

Muhaha...

2010-04-01T13:00:00.005-05:00

April Fool's is one of the best days of the year... I'm a prankster at heart, and who better to prank than my mother? Justin and I came up with this idea a few weeks ago, and with the help of my friend Brittany, we have successfully pulled off the best April Fools joke of all time. Enjoy!!

For reference, Tyler is my 17 year old brother and Amanda is his girlfriend.

p.s. Thanks Christina for helping me put this into a video.

Cardi Party!

2010-03-30T10:30:00.000-05:00

I love cardigans. I really do. Thanks to my trusty cardigans, I can wear nearly every summer dress in my closet to work. Even the strapless ones. (No one knows they're strapless when you're sporting a cardi!!) Also, when it's this time of year, and it still gets cold at night, a cardigan is the perfect accessory. They're nice and light weight, but if you do get hot, the easy fix is just to throw it in your purse. (Or you could go real prep, and tie it around your shoulders. I really can't pull that off, but maybe you can...)

If you're in need of a cardigan, or twenty, I highly suggest Old Navy. They're having a sale on them this week, and some are as low as $15. And look how cute they are!!

A beauty pageant even I could win...

2010-03-26T16:30:00.000-05:00

Po'Brad

2010-03-25T12:30:00.000-05:00

I received a text last night from Sar that I thought was funny... reading it again today, it's still funny. So, I decided I would share. The background to this story is that Sarah and her husband, Brad, just moved to Baton Rouge...

From Sarah (8:07 pm): Brad says, "Do you know what a po'boy is? I felt like an idiot when I asked."

Poor Brad... or would that be Po'Brad?

We took this trip to Cedar Grove...

2010-03-24T09:59:00.004-05:00

This morning, I spot an article on MSN titled "Spring Hot Trends on a Budget"... which, of course caught my eye because 1.) it's Spring, 2.) I love hot trends, and 3.) I'm on a budget. I clicked on the link, and the first thing that popped up was the most beautiful pair of shoes I've seen in a very long time (or at least since this morning when I was gazing into my own closet). I shall share with you:

See. Aren't they cute? Don't you absolutely have to have them right now, this second? I do. So, I clicked the link to check out the price: $71. Seventy-one dollars? Are you kidding me?? That's not "on a budget". There's nothing to these shoes but a few yellow straps, a wedge, and a buckle. $71? Get real.

Next up, eBay. I typed in "Kenneth Cole Cedar Grove", and I found my lovely shoes in just about every size, priced at under $25, all brand new in the box. Total win.

That, my friends, is Spring Hot Trends on a Budget.

p.s. You're Welcome.

Viva Las Lashes

2010-03-22T13:00:00.004-05:00

The last time I saw my mother, she asked if I was wearing fake lashes. I'm not kidding. (For the record, I wasn't. It was Wednesday. Come on.) I would like to thank MAC's "Prep+Prime", which has recently been added to my life. You use this little diddy prior to your mascara (I go with MAC's "Plush Lash") and you end up with the longest, fullest lashes imaginable. I have never had a mascara work so well. I'm totally in luuurrrrve. This bottle cost a whopping $14 (plus another $13 for the Plush Lash), but I promise you, it's worth every penny.

Enjoy!! XOXO, KH

Say Cheese

2010-03-12T13:00:00.002-06:00

I haven't posted pictures in a while. No real reason, other than I'm lazy. So, in honor of Friday, I feel the need to catch up the blogosphere with the past six months of my life...

1.) For Halloween, I went as Lady Gaga. This started as a joke, and ended up being a huge hit, and why wouldn't it? I mean, look at me:

This, of course, was my inspiration:

We look just alike. You can hardly tell the difference, really...

2.) I went to Mobile for South's first Homecoming game, where I got to hang out with some of my favorite friends:

In all honestly, we showed more school spirit that day than we did all four of our college years combined.

3.) Then there was Thanksgiving:

My mother and I believe that cornucopias make Thanksgiving much more festive. Annnd Hank likes his Pilgrim hat.

4.) And Christmas:

5.) Then Kyrstal, Justin and I went to Memphis for a few days:

6.) And alas, there was New Years:

7.) Mardi Gras came early this year. Justin and I met Alex and Bill in Mobile for Osiris in January.

The End.

p.s. Maybe I'll get a new camera soon, and start posting again on a regular basis.

Is it too early to plan for the Fourth?

2010-03-01T16:00:00.003-06:00

Conversation I just had with Justin:

Me: Do you already have plans for the Fourth of July?
JC: What's the Fourth of July?
Me: Independence Day... a federal holiday commemorating the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, declaring independence from the Kingdom of Great Britain.
JC: Gee thanks smart ass. I can sleep at night now knowing that.
Me: I was very surprised you didn't know.

Bad Pick-up Lines Vol. 356

2010-02-15T16:00:00.001-06:00

Setting: Local Wal-Mart

Toolbag: I believe I saw you shopping in here around Christmas time.

Me: Yeah. Probably.

(Awkward silence, followed me walking-away.)

I haven't put on weight. Your eyes are fat.

2010-01-22T10:00:00.001-06:00

Sarah found this and I thought I should share....

Introducing, the Sleep Talkin' Man.

You're welcome.

January is to a year, what Monday is to a week.

2010-01-12T15:00:00.000-06:00

Here is a list of why January is the worst month of the year:

It's bloody cold. Al Gore, where the heck are you with this Global Warming? It seems to me like this globe needs to be warmed just a little more. Please, thanks.
There are too many resolutioners at my gym. I mean, really. You guys aren't going to be here in six weeks. Can't you just go home now?
I'm broke. Did I seriously spend this much at Christmas? Really?? What is wrong with me?
Stupid insurance deductibles start all over again. I mean, as if it wasn't enough that my prescription went up $50, buuut knowing that I have to pay for it ALL out of pocket, without getting anything back from my insurance? Well, that infuriates me.
Did I mention that it's cold? Bloody cold??
Winter clothes are not cute. Yes, I love jackets. Yes, I love boots. Yes, I love turtle necks and sweaters and scarves. But put them all together, and you look like a giant yarn gnome.
I miss my sundresses. (So much that I've already started buying some for this year. Whoops.)
The fruit and vegetables in the grocery store sucks. Seriously. I'm so ready for everything to be in season again.
Why do I always pack on the pounds in the cold weather? I mean, really?? Put the fork down.
My skin is too light, and my hair is too dark. I need some sunlight immediately.

Look how much snow we got!!!

2010-01-07T13:30:00.000-06:00

(Thanks, Lindsey)

Yes, I'm still in love with Justin Timberlake.

2010-01-06T10:00:00.001-06:00

I'm pretty sure that the Justin Timberlake/Timbaland combonation should be a permanent fixture. They should call themselves Lakeland... or Landolakes. Anywho, I heard this new tune in route to the gym last night, and have been singing it ever since...

Notable lyrics include, but are not limited to:

Baby, you're lookin' fire hot. I have you open all night like an IHOP.
You look good baby, must taste heavenly. I'm pretty sure you've got your own recipe.
Have it your way. Foreplay. Before I feed your appetite.
Let me get my ticket baby, let me get in line. I can tell the way you like it baby: supersized.
Number one, I'll take two number 3's. That's a whole lot of you and a side of me.
Now is it full of myself to want you full of me? And if there's room for dessert then I want a piece.
Baby, get my order right, no errors. I'mma touch you in all the right areas.
Do you like it well done? Cause I do it well. Cause I'm well seasoned, if you couldn't tell.

Who knew "Carry Out" could be so dirty?

p.s. Justin says he can't wait to hear this as often as the lightening bugs song... Clearly not as excited as I am about new J.T.

Dear Stinky Guy at the Gym,

2010-01-05T20:30:00.001-06:00

This is for you:

Love,
Kelley

p.s. Does anyone else think that Sting is totally channeling Harry Potter? Or would it be the other way around??

Committed

2010-01-05T16:30:00.002-06:00

Committed hit the shelves today. I suggest you all go out and buy it at once. If you're not familiar with Elizabeth Gilbert, then you should read Eat, Pray, Love as well. It's on my list of life changing books... and can be purchased on Amazon for less than a dollar.

You're welcome.

New Year: New Blog

2010-01-04T10:00:00.002-06:00

I've been on a blogging hiatus. For a whole year. 2009 was pretty slow, but was it slow enough to only acquire 66 blog entries? I don't think so. I really should be ashamed of myself. But whatever.

So, here it is: January. The month of new beginnings, and freezing your ass off. I think I would like cold weather better, if I actually enjoyed winter clothes. Thus far, the only good thing I can think of that can justify this cold madness, is boots. I used to have a thing for sweaters, until I realized they make me look a lot larger than I really am. However, boots tend to have a slimming effect.

I should probably stop myself before I get lost in the world of shoes.

Anyway, one of my fictitious New Years Resolutions, is to be better at this blogging thing. Here's to that...

Good Grief

2009-11-24T15:30:00.001-06:00

These shoes "quack" me up.

2009-11-17T14:00:00.000-06:00

In the search for the perfect winter boot, I've probably visited hundreds of websites. Of course, one of my favorite to shop is Anthropologie... That is, until I found this:

Seriously, there's no excuse for that. If you have purchased, or have even thought about buying these shoes, I no longer wish to be your friend.

She's really starting to creep me out...

2009-11-12T09:00:00.000-06:00

Two out of three ain't bad...

2009-11-05T13:00:00.002-06:00

Conversation I just had with our IT guy...

ITguy: Looks like one of your bamboo is dying.
Me: Add that to the list of reasons why I should never have children. I can't even keep an "industructible" plant alive.
ITguy: Well, the other two look fine...
ME: Yeah... try using that excuse with DHR.

Goo

2009-11-02T13:00:00.000-06:00

Wow. How has it been over a month since I've posted anything? Is my life that boring? Ha. Probably. I'll try to get it together... but I'm not promising anything...

My weakness:

2009-10-01T09:59:00.002-05:00

Dear Pistachio Chip,

I believe I've fallen in love with you. I honestly didn't think that I would ever feel this way about another chip. That Ritz Chip stole my heart back in college, and I just haven't been the same ever since. Ritz fooled me though, he promised that he was healthy, when in fact he was filled with fat and sodium. You, however, are delicious... and you are packed with fiber and protein. I didn't know life could be this good. I'm not sure how I lived without you...

Much Love,

Kelley

Atlanta Cotillion

2009-09-22T10:41:00.007-05:00

I just got back from Atlanta, where I had the pleasure to attend my second Cotillion Ball!! This year, Alex was a debutant. He and Bill have spent the past six months raising funds for AID Atlanta. Before I post pictures of this event (since I'm a slacker, and have yet to upload them), I'm going to let you watch this... They showed this duting the ball, and I think that it explains Cotillion better than I can:

And this was actually filmed at the Ball this weekend:

You can see Alex (in red/gold) at 1:00 and again during the results at 3:45, he's third from the left. Rodney (in silver/purple) is at 1:15 and again at 1:55... he's also with me (in black with big pearls and a black flower headband) in the bottom left corner during the results. The best part of the whole thing is when the queen's crown falls off at 6:35... I told Alex that he should have ran and grabbed it...

Since everyone else is talking about it... The 2009 MTV VMAs

2009-09-17T13:00:00.002-05:00

I broke down and watched the VMAs last night... I know, I know the whole Kanye thing has been the highlight of discussion for days now... Have you know, I have no intention of talking about that trash. I really just want to throw out some opinion about the complete freak show that went on that night.

Where to begin... hmmm... how about the opening act. Should have known that they were going to dedicate the whole show to Michael. I mean, duh. The opening act was phenomenal... until there was Janet. Don't get me wrong, she did an amazing job with the dancing thing... but why did they have her lip singing? That was clearly Michael's voice coming out of the speakers. The whole thing was a little odd and creepy.

Now let's talk about the other performers in that number... Awesome costume flash back. A+ goes to wardrobe. I really got a good laugh out of the face masks they were wearing towards the end. That was classic. Here, see for yourself:

If you don't feel like watching that in it's entirety, I suggest going to 3:35 and watching them attempt the lean. Watch the guy on the front row in the red jacket... For him it's more of a bend at the waist. He clearly can't do the lean. Which is okay. I can't either... but I'm not getting paid to perform in front of millions at the VMAs... wearing red... on the front row. What were they thinking?

Ok. On to Katy Perry. I really didn't like her until she came to my birthday party (read: The Crawfish Boil). Now, I do believe that I have a bit of a non-sexual female crush on her. Love, love, love Katy Perry. Did NOT love her singing Queen. Eh. Whatever.

Oh great. Russell Brand is hosting. This is going to be annoying. Luckily I'm watching on Krystal's TiVo, so he's going to be fast forwarded through a good deal.

Speaking of, let's get to the good stuff: Kanye crushing the dreams of that poor little white girl. Krystal said that after the show, Taylor was asked what was going on through her mind when everything was going on. She said something like. "I was in shock, and thinking, you know, like: this is so cool. Like, look at all these people. Oh look, Kanye's here. That's cool. (pause) Wait. That's not cool..."

Taylor later performed and I've decided that she's a really, really cute girl. Annnd I would probably enjoy her music if I was also 17. Okay. That's all I'm saying about that.

Next up; Lady Gaga. Just look at her...

This her arriving... with Kermet the Frog as her date.

And her performing...

Oh, and at the end, she poured blood everywhere and hung herself. Carrie style.

No, really... what is this? Eminem presented this award to her, and just stared.

I can only imagine what was going through Beyonce's mind. Poor girl had a rough night... the whole Kanye thing, and then she had to sit next to this?? If Gaga's Christmas wreath wasn't enough, what about Perez's hands that he painted yellow. I mean, really... where do you even get the idea to do that? What do you think would happened if I came to work one day with a wreath around my head and/or my hands painted yellow?

And here she goes to an after party... dressed as Minnie Mouse's Wedding.

Up next: Beyonce... Krystal said that they should hire her to advertise for Nair. Ha.

Then there was some Green Day, and some Muse (bleh), and some All American Rejects. Boring.

Annnnd then there was this:

P!nk, you win. That was amazing. Krystal says she's actually singing through this... I seriously doubt it.

And last up for the night: Jay-Z (side note: Why the entrance?? Why wasn't he already there??) and Alicia Keys (baby got back). I'm including the video, not b/c it was all that great, but more b/c I want you to go to the 5:00 mark and watch that crazy chick (Lil Mama) walk up on stage and act like she's been there the whole time... also, make sure you note Jay-Z's reaction to her...

I mean, seriously... they just let anyone walk up on stage.

p.s. Krystal helped me make (read: made for me) a cake for Alex's belated birthday... It's amazing. Pictures to be posted soon.

Sweet, Sweet Jason...

2009-09-14T14:00:00.000-05:00

God love him...

Can you BEEP yourself now?

2009-09-04T13:00:00.001-05:00

I've watched this 10 times today, and can't stop laughing.
Caution: It's dirty.

It seems like everywhere I go, the more I see, the less I know.

2009-09-02T15:00:00.002-05:00

Michael Franti blessed WorkPlay with his presence a couple of weeks ago, and I haven't been able to get this song out of my head since. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!!

When I grow up, I want to be...

2009-08-31T15:59:00.000-05:00

Maybe she's born with it?

2009-08-10T15:00:00.005-05:00

I just got back from a lovely Surin date with the even lovelier Mrs. Becky Reese. As always, stories were told, laughs were shared, and gossip was spread. In the midst of this amazing lunch, Becky stops, stares at me, and says:

BR: Kelley, your lashes look really, really long.

Do they? I couldn't imagine why... Could it be that I have naturally long eyelashes? Er, no. OR could it be that I recently invested in one of the coolest inventions of the century?? Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner!!

That's right, Maybelline just came out with this Pulse Perfection by Define-A-Lash, and I searched every WalMart/grocer/drug store until I could buy one of my very own. It's sheer amazingness in a tube. See:

The last time I went to visit Edward, my new HunterMac (since Hunter now works at Jackson's, he's no longer my makeup-man), I told him of the greatness that is Maybelline's Pulse Perfection... and how much I paid for it ($12.50). He said that I was silly for paying that much for drug store cosmetics because I could have gotten a MAC mascara for the same price, and the vibrating motion could be done with my hand. (Hmm. Whatever, Edward) What Edward didn't take into consideration is the fact that I've never once in my life been complimented on my eye lashes (or lack there of).

Thank you, Maybelline. You complete me.

I'm not as funny as I used to be.

2009-08-05T12:00:00.000-05:00

The End.

RIP to the man who actually cut off his nose to spite his face.

2009-07-07T14:30:00.002-05:00

Things I thought about during the Michael Jackson Memorial:

Where's the sound? I can't hear you, Smokey!!! (but daaaang you look good!! Black don't crack!!)
Oh, the gloves. Nice touch, paul bearers/Jackson 4.
MiMi, couldn't you even bother to wear a bra?
Queen Latifa/Maya Angelou did you just give a shout out to Birmingham?
Lionel lookin' goooood!!
Stevie Wonder just said that this is a moment that he wish he didn't live to ever see. Well, he didn't. He doesn't see anything.
Do you think he's going to pull a Thriller and jump out of the casket and start singing? Now THAT would be a come back!!!
Oh Jennifer Hudson, are you famous enough to be there? Annnd you're pregnant? Weren't you a spokesman for abstinence? Ha.
Al Sharpton? ...this just got ghetto.
Does John Mayer know he's not black?
It's nice to see one of his true friends speaking. Thanks, Brooke.
Jermaine? Is that you?
Woah. Congresswoman Whomever telling everyone Michael was innocent until proven otherwise. Goo.
Resolution 600? Really? World Humanitarian? Is that something you present at someones funeral?
Hey Usher!! Do you remember that time I saw you in Perimeter Mall?
Hold up, he's touching the casket? Ew.
Old clips of Michael make me wonder what happened to that cute little boy?
Ha. I would like to see a flip book of Michael from then until now, just to watch his face/nose change.
Who is this kid? Why do they have a little boy singing at MJ's funeral? That's so wrong on sooo many levels...
Wait. That kid was going to tooooour with Michael Jackson? What parent would allow that?
We Are the World = chills.
There's Jesse Jackson. I knew he would be there...
I haven't seen Blanket yet.
Wow. Paris spoke for the first time in public. Sweet child.
And they're taking him out. I guess he really is gone... So... No Thriller?

You can't touch this.

2009-06-22T09:30:00.000-05:00

These pants, they hit me, so hard. Makes me say "Oh my Lawrd." Thank you for blessing me, with some fashion sense, and two eyes to see.

No really, WHAT is that? MCHammer pants weren't even cute back in the day. Actually, I'm pretty sure these are one of the most made fun of articles of clothing from the 80s. Why, why, why, would Lerner try to bring them back? Honestly. No one is going to buy that shit. (And if you do, I will make fun of you behind your back, AND to your face.)

Stop. Hammer time.

Twihards

2009-06-18T14:00:00.001-05:00

I'm not going to pretend that I'm not reading the Twilight series. I am. I finally broke down after feeling out of the loop for much too long. They're pretty good books, and I put them about on the same level as Harry Potter: easy literature about mythical adolescents with a good enough story line to get the whole world reading, talking, and waiting for the movies to come out. However, I don't get how some people have gotten so engrossed in this world, that they confuse it with reality. Edward and Bella do not exist, people. There are no vampires living in Forks, Washington. This is purely a work of fiction. It's just a twisted love story. There is no need to get your body perminately inked for such a thing.

Find more photos like this on The Twilight Saga

Seriously. This has gotten out of hand.

Fancy von Furstenberg-Davenport

2009-06-09T16:00:00.000-05:00

Alex just called me at work to ask if I got his email about this years Cotillion... many of you remember me posting about Cotillion VII that occurred last September. Weeellll Alex has been nominated to participate as a debutant!! This is a super honor, and I wish him all the luck!! I will defiantly be there this year to cheer him on!! If you would like more information about Cotillion, or would like to donate to AIDAtlanta, this is Alex's fundraising page. Any amount is appreciated (and is completely tax deductable)!!!

Pretty in Plaid

2009-06-09T12:30:00.000-05:00

I love this woman.

Bulah would NEVER do this...

2009-06-08T17:30:00.002-05:00

Something weird happened today at work... not so much "at" work, but more like in the parking lot. See, what had happened was, and I'm still not so sure how this came about, but when I was leaving to go home, I noticed that Lolah's windows were half way rolled down, and her top was half off. This only leads me to one of the following conclusions:

a.) Lolah had a freak accident in which her window were magically rolled down, and her top ended up partially off.
b.) Someone raped her.

Seeing as nothing was missing (side note: I leave nothing in my car for people to steal for this exact reason), and I got home without my car exploding from a car bomb (which for some reason, I have an irrational fear that that could actually happen to me some day), I'm going to go with option A. I've warned Lolah that she needs to behave and not take her top off in public. Hopefully she'll mind.

Effing Guy

2009-06-07T13:30:00.004-05:00

I just returned from the local grocer. I figured since I had water and condiments in my fridge, that it was well past time to go. Anyway, while meandering the aisle, I came in contact with one of the employees. I do the polite Southern thing of smiling and saying "hi". In which he returns the gesture and then adds a:

Grocer: So, what are you having?

I didn't really understand what he was saying, so I replied with:

KH: Pardon
Grocer: Do you know what you're having?

I'm still confused. Why is he asking me "what I'm having?" This isn't a restaurant. He's not taking my order. What's going on here? So, I ask:

KH: "Excuse me??"

And then he asks it. The worst question any woman could ever be asked:

Grocer: Are you pregnant?
KH: "Uhhh...Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!
Grocer: Oh

Then he ran away. No apology, nothing.

I stood in shock for a second, then finished up my grocery shopping in near tears... making sure to read every label, because nothing motivates you to diet an exercise more than someone asking if you're with child.

Ketchup

2009-06-05T17:00:00.004-05:00

Okay, I haven't posted in a long while. Sorry. There's really no excuse for it. I mean, other than the fact that I've been busy doing things to write about. Seriously, I have taken nearly 700 pictures since the last time I've blogged. True story. Sooo... to get you excited about my upcoming posts (if they ever actually happen), I'm going to turn this into a bit of a teaser. That being said, here is my list of things I've been doing the past few weeks.

1. I went on a cruise for my birthday with some of my favorite people on this planet:

2. And we got to see one of the New Seven Wonders of the World, Chichen Itza:

3. I did NOT get the Swine Flu while in Mexico:

4. The Crawfish Boil totally rocked... especially since Sarah and Brad came up for it!!!

5. I got to meet Ace & TJ!!

6. AND Bushwalla!!! 7. Then, he played again the next day!!

8. So, we got to hang with him Aaagain!!

9. The next week, Leslie and I went to go see G.Love:

(This picture makes me about 90% sure that G.Love shapes his eyebrows.)

10. Annnnd then we went to see Kenny:

p.s. I also have a new car!! Her name is Lolah.

...more stories and pictures to follow.

White People Problems.

2009-06-05T11:30:00.000-05:00

It's true. It's hard out here for a Caucasian.

In 2.5 miles you should make a ri-i-ight...

2009-06-05T10:30:00.001-05:00

And I thought my idea to have a GPS option to avoid all of the ghettos was genius...

p.s. Sorry for the lack of posts. A lot has been going on, and I have pictures to prove it... I just need to upload and post them...

Congratulations.

2009-05-25T15:00:00.000-05:00

It's official. I've been blogging a year.

2009-05-05T12:20:00.001-05:00

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

What I Must Do...

2009-04-07T14:30:00.000-05:00

What a beautiful little song:

This is from Sean Fournier. I've blogged about him before because he's wonderful.

Annnyway, lots of things have been happening in the home front. Maybe one day I'll tell you about them. Stay tuned.

Jax: the GodDog.

2009-03-25T09:30:00.001-05:00

Meet Jax!! He's my new GodDog. Alex and Bill introduced this sweet little boy into their happy home, and I, of course, named myself the godmother. How couldn't I? Look how cute he is.

p.s. MotherHen made all his bedding. Naturally.

Flickr Friday I

2009-03-20T16:30:00.001-05:00

I love Flickr. People have no shame about posting old family photos for the world to see, and for me to laugh at. I tend to ask myself: "I wonder what they're thinking?" And if I let my imagination run wild, I usually have an answer.

Here are a few of my favorites from today. If this goes well, I can assure you that there's more where they came from...

All together now; "It's fun to stay at the YMCA".
Uncle Vernon, get hands up!!

Outlook not so good.

In her 20's, Bridget changed her name to Candy.
She is now employed at Sammy's.
It appears that all that practicing paid off.

Once a child star, Thing 2 now lives in London where he works as a stock broker.

Originally, there were four members of the Lolly Pop Guild.
Warren was forced to drop out due to his diabetes.

And for my next trick, I will attempt to fill an empty hole in one man's chest cavity.
Any volunteers?

Bitch, please.

Hurry up, Nelle. We're late for breakfast at Tiffany's.

By her third marriage, Thelma wasn't nearly as nervous.

One more word out of you Norman, and the baby gets it.

After Christmas, the Unemployment Office always fills with Santas.

Oh Lorraine, I just hit the most wonderful sale at Macy's...

Meryl thought that her lingerie party would be tame enough to invite the grand kids.

Damnit Ethyl. I specifically told you to wear a hat.

Lay-off the Lentil.

2009-03-20T13:30:00.000-05:00

Lentil Soup: So disgusting, yet so delicious... all at the same time.

(p.s. Yes, Tiley. I'm still eating soup errary-day for lunch.)

So... scratch that.

2009-03-20T12:30:00.003-05:00

Krystal emailed me this morning asking if I wanted to go to Montgomery tonight to do a little gambling. She said that she's been feeling lucky, and that she would really like to win some money before our cruise. I replied with something like: "Hellz yeah!!" (Okay, maybe it was more like: "I guess... by the time I drive all the way to your house, I'm half way to Montgomery anyway...") Well, apparently, Krystal's luck has just run out b/c the casino got shut down today... I guess we need to figure out something else to do.

You just got Beyonceed.

2009-03-20T11:00:00.000-05:00

I really don't know what to think of this:

I'm pretty sure that's the same "Cubby" that used to be on the Ace & TJ Show? He mysteriously dropped off the face of the Earth a couple of years ago... and it appears that he has come back for a visit. (It also appears that he is, in fact, wearing socks...)

Where the Gold at?

2009-03-17T09:22:00.002-05:00

In honor of St. Patrick's Day, I bring you the Crichton Leprechaun:

Sometimes, I forget to upload pictures...

2009-03-15T14:00:00.006-05:00

I haven't uploaded photos for a while... not because I haven't taken any, but more b/c I'm pretty lazy. Anyway, the time has come... Here are a few things I've gotten into this year:

1. Mardi Gras:

Here's SayTay and me... not causing trouble. :)

and again.

Shannon and me, behaving ourselves. (I know. It's hard to believe.)

I can't guarantee that Ashley and I were being good, but at least we tried.

Scott and I took the lemo home.
p.s. I look about 5 seconds from psycho... not sure what's going on there.

We let Sara come too...

Lemo suits me.

Yeah, we didn't go home... unless you call the bar our home?

p.s. Hi Tyger.

2.) Valentine's Day

I heart Valentine's Day.
I heart being single on Valentine's Day the most.
It's super.
Really.

Side Note: I did actually have a date for Valentine's... with Erica... and Trent.
It was as if he had two dates.
He loved it.
Long time.

3.) KATIE HAD A BABY!!!

Meet Baby Claire!!

...this is as close as MotherHen will ever get to a grandchild.

Two ladies and a baby.

Beautiful bundle o' baby!!

She was born on 3/5/9. Dang she's fine. Move it to me, sock it to me, one more time.
Get low. Get low, get low, get low, get low: to the window, to the wall...

Zac + Burt = The Bee's Knees

2009-03-12T14:00:00.000-05:00

Am I the only one who things Zac Brown looks like Burt's Bees?
Compare and Contrast:

p.s. I heard him singing on the radio for the first time yesterday when I was in the cooker. That's pretty exciting. (Side note: I'm pretty sure he's been on the radio for quite a while, but I normally don't listen to the country stations in fear that my ears might start bleeding.)

At least I'm not this desperate...

2009-03-05T16:00:00.001-06:00

If you owned your own chimp, would you:
a.) drink wine with him.
b.) bathe with him.
c.) cuddle with him.
d.) let him brush your hair.
e.) all of the above.

If you were this crazy lady, your answer would be E.

p.s. I totally think that the Leslie Paul chick made up her story for 15 minutes of fame... seeing as there were no records of her attack.

Idol Chatter II

2009-03-05T10:26:00.003-06:00

Yeah... I totally forgot to watch it.

However: I did go to Angela's and learned how to make stuffed pasta shells. (Diet? What diet?)

p.s. Nothing interesting going on in my life as of late. I'm in need of some sort of drama... to observe. Not to partake in.

Justin was doing John on Jimmy?

2009-03-03T15:00:00.003-06:00

I shamelessly love Justin Timberlake for the following reasons:
1. He's Justin Timberlake.
2. He came on Jimmy Fallon's very first talk show.
3. He gives great gifts.
4. He randomly starts singing.
5. He's Justin Timberlake.
6. He says "Bejeezus", and that's funny.
7. He does a great John Mayer.
8. He totally makes fun of John Mayer.
9. He cracks himself up.
10. He's Justin Timberlake.

It's better than Fried Chicken!!

2009-03-03T11:00:00.000-06:00

Guess who just released a new video!! This is actually the first song that I fell in love with of his. The music and lyrics are much better than the production, but I'm glad to see that he's doing well!!

Things That Annoy Me: vol. 467

2009-03-02T15:00:00.002-06:00

1. Mondays.

2. Pointed toed shoes... namely the ones that I'm wearing that are currently taking a bite out of my heel.

3. Diets.

4. The lack of toilet paper in the stall I always go in.

5. Having to go to the bathroom 14bazillion times wearing said pointed toed shoes and not having toilet paper.

6. Only buying one thing (okay, two) on my nine hour shopping excursion with Casey this weekend.

7. 2009 Spring styles. Gross.

8. Spending $20 at Whole Foods for a salad and a chicken breast. (Hate. Whole Foods.)

9. The cold weather. In March.

10. Mellow Mushroom changing my beloved Jerk Chicken Sandwich from pure deliciousness to "ehh... it was okay"

11. How the hours from 5-9 go by so quickly, but 9-5 seems to last forever.

12. Conversations with one of my best guy friends that end in: "We're at the age where you're going to need to start looking for a serious relationship." No way, Jose.

13. Being out of oatmeal, yogurt, baby carrots, fruit and KOOL-AIDE!!!

14. Having to go grocery shopping. Ugh. (Note to self: Do not go to Whole Foods)

15. This guy who keeps blowing up my cell phone.

16. Falling asleep in the middle of Brothers and Sisters last night.

17. My mother saying "If you go to sleep, I'm not going to tell you what happens."

18. Living in a constant state of effing starving... mainly because of number three.

19. Knowing that I'm not going to see Alex for another two months. Goah.

20. My hair.

21. My hair dryer that is currently only blowing cold air.

22. "Smart Cars" that you can fit yourself and A bag of groceries in... not so smart.

23. Never getting enough sleep.

24. Not being able to drink coffee. Ever.

25. Trying to think of one more thing to make it 25 b/c I'm OCD and have to have lists end in 5s or 0s.

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play...

2009-02-27T11:00:00.002-06:00

Great things that happened yesterday:

1.) My dress was at my house when I got home. She's even more beautiful in person, and she fits perfectly. I think this might have been the best fashion investment I've made in a while.

2.) I received my Sean Fournier FREE CD in the mail yesterday. Annnd it's amazing. I suggest you all get one.

3.) There was not a single bill in my mailbox, but instead I had a huge check!! Turns out I had been paying double the amount into me Escrow account... for an entire year. So, that adds up.

4.) Also found out that my mortgage is going to go down b/c of this. Double score.

5.) Crawfish Boil has been announced!!! And my favorite person in the whole wide world is going to be there!! I was actually planning on being in Mobile that weekend seeing as we'll just be getting back from my birthday cruise, buuuut there is pretty much no way I'm going to miss this concert.

Crazy thing that happened yesterday:

1.) So, this guy that lives on my block has been asking me out for at least the past six months. I have yet to go out with him, because... well, that's how I am. That, and he's a pretty vocal Democrat, and I have a very low tolerance for that type of behavior. We actually got into a heated argument during election time, and I thought that would be the end of him. Turns out, it wasn't. He appeared back in my life recently saying something along the lines of: "as long as we don't talk politics, I'm sure we'll get along." Yeah. Right.

Anyway, he got back into his old tricks of asking me out, and I continued to avoid the issue, because... well, that's how I am. Until earlier this week: he asked me what I was doing this weekend, and I told him that I had friends (Casey&Doug) coming in town, and I was planning on spending my Saturday shopping. I thought that would get me out of committing to a date for yet another week. Until this question happened:

Him: Well then, what are you doing Friday night?
My response: I don't know, why?
Him: I just wanted to see if you were free to do something.
Me: What did you have in mind?
Him: There's a performance at the theatre. I thought it would be fun to go.
Me: Wow. I'm impressed... that does sound like fun. We might have to make arrangements.

And we left it at that. I personally thought that was a commitment to actually going with him, but I guess he was confused because later that night I received a text from him asking about Friday again.

Him: Are you planning on going this Friday?
Me: Well, that all depends.
Him: On what?
Me: Is there dinner involved?
Him: What does that have to do with anything?
Me: Well, I can assure you that I'm a much more pleasant person if I am fed.
Him: I don't get off until 7. The show is at 7:30. If you're not going to be pleasant, let's just take another rain check.
Me: Geez.

I left it at that and went to bed. I don't really like to argue, and I felt like that's where this was going. However, I wanted to go to the theatre, so yesterday afternoon I sent him a message asking him if we were still going. I never got a response, so I assumed that I pissed him off and he was being a big baby about it. Whatever. But then, I woke up to this text sent late last night:

Him: I'm going to a party at my friend's instead. I just wanted to have a fun night, not a high maintenance date. Seems like we're looking for different things.

Okay... what? What the hell just happened?? I went back to bed, because once again: I'm not dealing with the drama. But then I got up this morning pissed off. This guy not only woke me up, but was completely ugly for no reason.

So, I replied with: First of all, I don't date... and let's remember who asked out whom. Secondly, I may be high maintenance, but I maintain myself. And finally, I'm sorry: I eat. I tried to quit a while back, but it didn't work out so well for me.

Then I get this: I don't get off until 6:30. There's no way we could sit down, order, and eat before the show. That's the difference between dems and reps. You people are not practical.

Ooooooohhhhhh I'm pissed now. He went there. And such a low blow at that. I'm not playing his game. I'm just going to out smart him. This should be easy and fun.

Me: I'm sorry I do not possess the Democratic ability to read minds, and I had no clue about your work schedule. I also failed to realize that the only option was to eat before the show. I guess my outside of the box thinking is to much for you. You sir, are an asshole. Please do not respond.

He hasn't, and hopefully he wont.

This is yet another reason I hate dating.

Idol Chatter I

2009-02-26T12:05:00.004-06:00

It's that time of year again. Okay, well maybe it's a little past that time of year seeing as Idol started a few weeks ago, and I just started watching last night. Whatever. Anyway... They're doing it a bit different this year, and letting America choose the Top12 from the 36 remaining contestants. We got to see 13-24 last night... which means I missed 1-12 last week, but I'm coping. Anyway, this group of twelve is going to be reduced to three of the top twelve.

Here are my opinions:

13.) Jasmine Murray - Love Song by Sarah Bareilles
You're cute. You sing ok. But you're going home. Sorry.

14.) Matt Giraurd - Viva La Vida by Coldplay
Just because it won song of the year, does not mean you should sing it. Poor choice. Not impressed. Had you stuck to the piano, you might have made it through. Tough luck.

15.) Jeanine Vailes - This Love by Maroon 5
Goo. You suck. You're out.
...and you're muuuch too old to be wearing those short shorts. And those shoes are uggggly. I hope you kept the receipt.

16.) Nick Mitchell/Norman Gentle - And I'm Telling You by Jennifer Hudson
I have no words. Just watch:

p.s. I loved the shout-out to Dougie.

17.) Allison Iraheta - Alone by Heart
I looooove her!! She's so super cute!! She's got it all: the look, the attitude, the voice. You're in, sister. (Side note: Does anyone else think that she channels Caitlin?)

18.) Kris Allen - Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson
The best thing about this performance was Randy's shout out to Lindsey's uncle. Next.

19.) Megan Joy Corkrey - Put Your Records On by Corinne Bailey Ray
Yeah!! Another cute girl with a voice!! I'm not sure she can trump Allison, but I would like to see this one go on. She's neat.

20.) Matt Breitzke - If You Could Only See by Tonic
No way. No how.

21.) Jesse Langseth - Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Cairns
She's probably third in the women I've seen tonight. Which means: she's going home.

22.) Kai Kalama - What Becomes of the Broken Hearted by Jimmy Ruffin
I would have paid a little more attention to this guy if I didn't think he looked just like Damon with a perm. See:

I couldn't stop laughing the whole time he was on stage...

23.) Mischavonna Henson - Drops of Jupiter by Train
Paula's strung out mouth says something stupid, and Simon replies "I don't even know what a drop of Jupiter is..." Ha. This one is gone.

24.)Adam Lambert - Satisfaction by The Stones
Ohmahgoah. He's wonderful. I'm pretty sure he's my favorite thus far. I love this kid!!

My bets for who gets to move on: Adam Lambert, Allison Iraheta and Megan Joe Corkrey.

Watch out for Fanny, Fanny coming through...

2009-02-23T15:00:00.002-06:00

So, I was just sitting at my desk today, minding my own business (and everyone else's that I was choosing to face-stalk), when I received one of the most random texts I've gotten in a while. It was from Heath, and was titled "Bah". When I opened it, there was a picture attached.

The photo was of a moving ceiling fan.

I'm thinking: Okay? This must be some sort of joke? The punchline is still coming... right? Well, I waited a few minutes, and nothing. So, I replied with:

KH: I take it you're a fan?

And within seconds I receive a:

HM: Huh?

So... what just happened? Did he just "huh?" me? As if MY text was strange and out of the ordinary? Surely that did not just happen.

KH: You just sent me a picture of a fan...

No response.
Wait for it, wait for it...
Aaaannnnd nothing.

Someone else must know about this: I tell Jennifer. After a good awkward laugh, we decide that the best thing to do in this situation is take a picture of our office oscillating fan, and text it back. So I did. And I titled it "Gah".

Still no response.

I love him.

2009-02-16T10:00:00.001-06:00

Would have missed this had Jason not Twittered it... Ellen is getting all sorts of fun folks on her show here lately.

p.s. Pictures from this Mardi Gras weekend will be posted just as soon as I upload them...

Uhhhh....

2009-02-13T10:00:00.001-06:00

Someone needs to check into rehab...

1.) Goo!!
2.) Was that really him?? His teeth don't look right. Neither does his nose.
3.) Hip hop? Seriously?? Wasn't he good friends with the Chili Peppers?
4.) Goo!!
5.) Is this an act? B/c he's sure getting a lot of publicity for this...

Falling for you...

2009-02-12T14:12:00.001-06:00

Falling for you...

2009-02-12T14:02:00.004-06:00

So, I received a random email from some guy who was shamelessly promoting his band. I had an ounce of free time, so I decided to check him out... turns out, he's pretty good.

He also has a blog, and if you go to his website, you can get his CD for FREE!! I totally invested in it!!

And the Grammy goes to...

2009-02-09T10:00:00.001-06:00

I love award shows. It makes for such a great time to see Hollywoods as they really are. (...and make fun of them.) The Grammy's might be my favorite of them all. Unlike the Oscars and the Emmys, there's a good chance that I have actually heard of the nominees for the Grammy's. Annnd if I haven't there's also a good chance that they will be performing that evening.

Anyway, the night started out with a performance by U2. In which my first comment was: "Is Bono wearing orthopedic shoes?"

See. What's up with that?

And then there was this train wreck:

What happened to her? I thought she was getting it all together... Maybe not. Poor Whitney. You know what, I was so distracted be her behavior, that I forgot to pay attention as to why she was there in the first place. All I heard was a lot of hoots and clicks coming out of her mouth. Eh. That's nothing new.

Proceeding: The next up was Mr. JT and the Reverend Al Green. Just some Memphis boys singing.

And then my favorite of the night, the Lolly Pop Guild... otherwise known as Coldplay.

They looked great, didn't they?

And then there was Carrie Underwood... who only wore half of her outfit. I mean... nice shirt??

Moving on... more singing, more talking. And then this happened:

I would comment, but I'm really not so sure what that was. I feel like Katy Perry got in a fight with Chiquita Banana, and Chiquita won. My mother's response: "Why is she wearing flats?" Oh, mom... why does anyone wear flats? And really?? That's the worst thing you could find wrong with her outfit? Come on...

On to Sir Paul... He saw her standing there (with one leg). Is he for seriously in his 60s? Because I wouldn't believe it for a second.

Look how happy he is!! How can you not want to run up to him and give him a great big hug? Precious Lamb. And how fun is his t-shirt? Loves it.

And then some un-entertaining stuff happened in the form of Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift. Not interested.

After that hott mess, was the most appalling thing I've seen in a long time:

Why are the Jonas Brothers even allowed on the same stage as Stevie Wonder? These kids make me realize how old I really am. I cannot comprehend nor relate to anything they're singing about.

Who's next? None other than Arseniooo Haaaalllll!! (or is that Kanye? I can't tell...)

Then, guess who's back, back again: Justin Oww! Timber-lay-ake!! He had to come back on stage to save T.I.'s song from failing miserably...

And then there was the "Rap Pack" which was just sad... and disgusting, thanks to MIA:

Let's say it all together: "Goooooo!!!" Momma's about to bust!! I was honestly afraid that her water might break right there on stage. What was she thinking?? Her due date was yesterday... What was she doing bouncing around on stage looking like Mad Cow Disease? I thought about calling DHR... That poor child...

And how could I forgot my mother's favorite performer: Lil' Waaaayne!! (Whom we almost missed b/c at this time we were bored and switching back and forth from Brothers and Sisters)

And what was with his whole family coming up on stage when he won? I didn't see anyone else's chillin' up in there. Whatever.

Then we had the Four Top thing, Radiohead, and geez, who invited this guy?

The night ended with these guys winning 5 Grammys for a song I hadn't even heard until last night... and will probably never listen to again. (What? I never claimed to like LedZep or Alison Krauss. Why would I like the combo?)

And this sweet thing didn't win a thing, even though he was nominated for Song of the Year (that went to Coldplay) and Best Male Vocal (that went to dumb ol overrated John Mayer... who Twittered during the show that he should share it with Mr.Az... Hmmm whatever, liar.) Look how cute he is with his little converse and Fedora... Bless.

So... that was fun.

Don't worry guys, I already have plans...

2009-02-06T10:00:00.002-06:00

Krystal sent me this lovely piece of trash this morning:

With this note attached:

"Seriously! If I had a man that thought this was a good idea, well I'd probably live in a trailer park and wouldn't think anything of it."

If any of you are looking for a nice romantic place to share a candle-lit dinner on Valentine's, I suggest you go ahead and make reservations at Waffle House. They're filling up fast... Unfortunately, I already have a date (with Erica) so I will be missing out on the celebration...

Gym Rules:

2009-02-06T09:00:00.003-06:00

Question: What is it that everybody has, and some pirates and thieves try to take? The Booty.

So, I’ve been doing the gym thing a lot here lately. I kinda feel like I grew up there seeing as I’ve played sports since I can remember, and I guess I’ve taken that for granted. I’ve noticed that not everyone knows their way around the gym. Actually, I’m willing to argue that very few people do. So, I’ve written a list to help all of you who do not know the basic rules of the gym:

1.) Wear deodorant - it doesn’t keep you from sweating; it just keeps you from stinking. Thanks.
2.) Clean the machines – Do you think that little spray bottle is there for no reason? If you used a machine, you sweated on it, and you should clean it off for the next person. If not, you’re gross.
3.) Do NOT bang the weights – If this is your form of counting your reps, you are wrong, wrong, wrong. You could break the machine, or you could break yourself… or I could break you, b/c that shit is really annoying.
4.) Don’t grunt – Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? You’re obviously lifting something
too heavy. Lower the weights, and you’ll get better results (and you’ll probably be able to walk tomorrow).
5.) Lift according to your sex – Men should lift higher weights at fewer reps, while women should lift lower weights with more reps. So, why do I see ladies, who are obviously in worse shape than I am, trying to life twice what I lift? Hey… you’re going to get hurt.
6.) Adjust the machine to your height – This is an easy step, yet somehow always forgotten.
If the machine is not adjusted correctly, you’re not going to be working the right muscles, and you’re not going to see the same results. Oh, and once again, you could get hurt.
7.) If you don’t know how to use a machine, ask for assistance – The trainers at the front are not just there to check you in. They know everything about everything in there. Not to mention, each machine has descriptions WITH pictures on them. You should be able to figure it out on your own, if you’re literate. (p.s. I’m still trying to figure out how this woman used the hamstring machine without bending her knees. Weirdest thing I’ve ever seen)
8.) Don’t ask me – better yet, don’t talk to me at all. I don’t work there. I’m not there to converse. I’m not there to make friends. My gym time is usually my only “me” time all day, and I’d like to keep it that way.
9.) Don’t Talk – Okay, I know that some people like to work out together. That’s fine, if that’s your
thing, but there is absolutely no excuse for you chatting it up on the Elliptical. If you’re in your target heart rate, then you shouldn’t even be able to talk. So shut up, and keep moving.
10.) Do not bother anyone with earphones on - if I’m jamming to my iPod (which is most of the time), it should be obvious that I don’t want to talk to you. Take a hint.
11.) Quit looking at yourself in the mirrors – I realize that my gym is the narcissist’s dream come true. The over abundance of mirrored walls is one of the main reasons I joined. I love all things mirrored. But please, refrain from flexing in front of them. Leave that for your mirrors at home. I do.
12.) Keep your clothes on – I don’t care if you’re male or female, or what your body looks like. PLEASE cover it up… especially if you’re doing cardio. If your body parts are hitting you in other
various locations, you really, really need reconsider your wardrobe.
13.)Don’t wear cargo shorts and polos – Seriously? Why are you even here? Gym clothes are cheap. Go buy some. Then come back. I promise you, you’ll feel better.
14.) Bring a towel – If you plan on showering at the gym, please, for the love of all things holy, bring a damn towel. There’s no excuse for you to be walking around all nay. You might be comfortable with your naked body, but I can assure you: I am not.
15.) Leave you Cell Phone in the car – whatever it is, it’s not that important. A treadmill is not the place to have business meetings, punish your children, or plan what you’re having for dinner. If you can’t spend an hour or two away from the annoying chatter box, then you probably don’t need to be at the gym anyway. I can assure you that you’re not making the most out of your workout.
16.) Leave your kids at home – I didn’t joint the Y because I didn’t want to deal with the over abundance of annoying brats. The gym that I go to doesn’t even have a day care facility, so why are there kids there?
17.) Remember why you’re there – the gym industry grew when our economy switched from mainly blue collar to mostly white collar. For the majority of us, our life is pretty sedentary. The gym’s main purpose is to increase our physical activity, which in turn will hopefully better our lives. If you’re goofing off at the gym, you’re only hurting yourself and annoying the people around you.

Here Comes the Heartache.

2009-02-05T10:00:00.000-06:00

Awhile ago, I blogged about Butch Walker. Well, guess what: Homeboy was on Ellen this week singing my favorite song of his with stupid ol' P!nk. See:

Let's talk about this for a second.
1.) Uhh... why is P!nk taking over Butch's song? I feel as if he's become the background singer... Seriously Butch, get rid of the chick.
2.) Since when did P!nk start to look so much like Ellen??
3.) Is P!nk seriously dating George Clooney? B/c Perez hasn't said a word about it.
4.) Does P!nk not know the words to her own song? B/c that's what it seems like.
5.) One of the comments about this video on YouTube said something like: "Butch helped P!nk wroting many songs." I kid you not.

So... thank you Jose for watching Ellen at work, otherwise I might have missed this. But, as much as I loved it, I'm not sure it compares to my other favorite Ellen clips:

And how can we forget this classic:

I need it, I want it!!

2009-02-04T12:15:00.000-06:00

So, since my program at work is sick, I've had way too much free time on my hands. In Kelley terms, this usually means that I've been getting into trouble. As in: online shopping. Seeing as my bank account is null and void after my stay in the hospital and the holiday season, I'm really not allowed to buy anything... which is good because I would have purchased this dress three times already:

Isn't is beautiful? And wouldn't it look great with my hair? Aren't you in love, love, love with the bow? Doesn't the detail on the hem make it extra pretty? And don't you think that it would be amazingly perfect to wear to the Sorority Reunion in March?

(Hint: the answer to all these questions is "yes".)

If any of you would like to purchase said beauty for me, I am currently accepting PayPal, Visa, and MasterCard. Hell, I'll even take Discover. And personal checks. Cash will work too.

Oh my...

2009-02-04T10:00:00.002-06:00

I almost forgot that I took this picture. See, what had happened was: Tiley and I went to run a little errand during lunch time the other day. And, we became the lucky winners when we got behind this lovely automobile. As you can nearly tell from the picture, it's one of those huge 86 passenger vans that are frequently referred to as "rape-mobiles." You know the kind featured in Silence of the Lambs? Well, if that wasn't creepy enough, the driver added his own personal touch. Do you see the passenger in the photo? Yeah... that's Barbie. Naked. He has strapped a naked Barbie to his back window. How weird and twisted is that? (Or is it weird and twisted that I had to take a picture of it? Either way...)

Become What You Are

2009-02-03T10:30:00.000-06:00

I received an email from Sarah this morning. It was an exert from a book that she's reading that was recommend to her by her father, Farmer John. It actually made a lot of sense, so I feel the need to share:

Become What You Are by Alan Watts

It has been said that the highest wisdom lies in detachment, or in the words of Chuang-tzu: "The perfect man employs his mind as a mirror; it grasps nothing; it refuses nothing; it receives, but does not keep."
Detachment means to have neither regrets for the past nor fears for the future; to let life take its course without attempting to interfere with its movement and change. Neither trying to prolong the stay of things pleasant, nor to hasten the departure of things unpleasant. To do this is to move in time with life. To be in perfect accord with its changing music. And this is called Enlightenment.
In short, it is to be detached from both past and future and to live in the eternal Now. For in truth neither past nor future have any existence apart from this Now; by themselves they are illusions. Life exists only at this very moment, and in this moment it is infinite and eternal. For the present moment is infinitely small; before we can measure it, it has gone, and yet it persists forever.
This movement and change has been called "Tao" by the Chinese, yet in fact there is no movement, for the movement is the only reality, and there is nothing beside it in relation to which it can be said to move. Thus it can be called at once the eternally moving and eternally resting.

How can we bring ourselves into accord with this Tao? A sage has said that if we try to accord with it, we shall get away from it. But he was not altogether right. For the curious thing is that you cannot get out of accord with it even if you want to; though your thoughts may run into the past or future they cannot escape the present moment. However far back or forward they try to escape, they can never be separated from the moment. For those thoughts are themselves of the moment; just as much as anything else they partake of, and indeed, are the movement of life which is Tao.
You may believe yourself out of harmony with life and its eternal Now; but you cannot be, for you are life and exist Now-- otherwise you would not be here. Hence the infinite Tao is something which you can neither escape by flight, nor catch by pursuit; there is no coming toward it, or going away from it; it is, and you are it. So become what you are.

Thank you, Sarah